Change in plans… has that ever happened to you?  You have this image in your mind about your future.  You created the plan which you plan to execute on.  But something happens unexpected that changes your plans.  This event throws you off course and makes you re-evaluate your plan. The event could be an illness or divorce or death or something you had not even considered.  For me, this event was complications from my reconstruction surgery after the breast cancer.  It was something not even on my radar and something I had not even considered when I was going through the cancer process.

After I was diagnosed with cancer and had the mastectomy surgery I thought my last surgery would be the reconstruction.  That I would fine and have no problems after the reconstruction surgery, but I was wrong.  My cells and tissue were so damaged from the radiation that it caused a major issue with the reconstruction.  The pain and struggle never went away… it was not getting better.  My movement was restricted, my body looked deformed, and I was in pain most of the time. 

 I wanted badly to just close my eyes and not have to deal with having another surgery. I wanted to ignore the issue.  After meeting with multiple doctors, I agonized over the decision for another surgery.  In fact, it took me over 2 years to finally agree to have another surgery.    

 I realized it’s okay for the plan to change… but I must trust the process.  I can’t avoid the change or ignore the issue.  Eventually the issue will get even bigger or worse if I ignore it or don’t address it.  My complications from the former reconstruction surgery were not going away on its own.  I could not ignore it anymore.  I had to have this surgery.  I had to learn to accept the plan.  I had to let go of my own thoughts.  I had to surrender control over the plan, but surrendering control is not a sign of weakness.  Surrendering meant I was finally going to feel better… that my body was going to finally heal… that the problem was going away and would be fixed.  Surrendering was something positive and something good.

 Immediately after this last surgery I felt better.  I was able to finally hold my shoulders back and stand up straight.  The pain went away.  Yes, the recovery after this last surgery was not easy… in fact, it was hard.  It has taken me a while to recover, but I know I must encounter the struggles with the recovery to feel better.  The struggles are only temporary, and they make me stronger.  I am stronger for having gone through the process.   

 No matter what change you are encountering, just hold on.  Have patience and understanding and faith in the process and hope that things will get better.  Sometimes we must feel the pain to discover something better! 

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